Indian society is deeply entrenched in patriarchy—so much so that many of us unknowingly internalize its toxicity while putting on a progressive front, even claiming atheism to distance ourselves from outdated values.

But while some mask their biases, others wear them proudly, making no effort to disguise their regressive mindset. Recently a pune judge displayed his low integrity in some off handed remarks.A disputes lawyer in Pune, Ankur R Jahagirdar, recounted this incident through a LinkedIn post which is now in wide circulation on social media:

“Recently, I was in a courtroom where I witnessed the following scene: A couple in a DV matter appeared before a judge for mediation. They’d separated a while ago and the judge was encouraging them to resolve their dispute amicably".

However, in the course of the mediation, the judge said to the woman:

“I can see that you are not wearing a mangalsutra and bindi. If you don’t behave like a married woman, why would your husband show any interest in you?”.

In one of my own matters, during mediation, a sessions judge said to my client who is a woman (likely a comment based on her maintenance demands):

“If a woman is earning well, she will always look for a husband who earns more than her and will never settle for someone who earns less. However, if a man who earns well is looking to marry, he might even marry a maid who washes utensils in his house. Look how flexible men are. You should also show some flexibility. Don’t be so rigid.”

I didn’t like these comments. But what I didn’t like more is that neither the client nor an onlooker such as myself really had any proper recourse against such off-hand remarks made by judges.

This is also the tip of the iceberg. There is a lot more that happens in the district courts that would shock the conscience of any rational thinking educated person. Unfortunately, I think our society has a baseline tolerance for some outrageous things.

Why it is this way is obvious - the first rule of patriarchy club is you do not talk about the patriarchy club In the same post, Ankur shared another troubling case from his experience. During a mediation, a sessions judge advised his client—a woman—to show “some flexibility.”

The remark was seemingly tied to her maintenance demands. He quoted the judge as saying, “If a woman is earning well, she will always look for a husband who earns more than her and will never settle for someone who earns less.